What's in a name? Maybe a lifetime of joblessness

The top three questions I've gotten with this pregnancy are "How far along are you?" "How are you feeling?" and "Have you picked out any names?" Talk about a loaded question. Do you go with some old family name or something that instantly pegs your kid to a particular era? Oscar, Doris, Curtis, Wanda, Moon Unit, Leopold or Brittany anyone? A name can also tie you unmistakably to a particular area of the country, socioeconomic group or even race.

Think I'm kidding? Check out this Slate article on white vs. black names for babies. http://www.slate.com/id/2116449/ The title says it all. A Roshanda by Any Other Name: How do babies with super-black names fare?

Even if you're not exactly sure what a super-black name means, you know it when you hear it: often lots of syllables, random capital letters and apostrophes, or references to luxury retail products or TV stars.

What's interesting to me is that, according to the researchers referenced in the article, until the 1970s or so, Black and White parents chose pretty similar names for their children. But due in part to the Black Power movement, some Black parents began adopting increasingly distinctive names. Also, the researchers found "no negative relationship between having a distinctively Black name and later life outcomes after controlling for a child's circumstances at birth."

Hmm. I seem to recall ABC's 20/20 doing a show (Top 20 'Whitest' and 'Blackest' Names) that disputed that finding by showing that if two job applicants with identical backgrounds were up for the same position, the ones with more "ethnic" or Black-sounding names were not called for an interview.

Given that, J. and I agreed that a key criteria for baby name options was that it look and sound good on a resume. Seriously. Does a more traditional name guarantee future success? Of course not. Is it one less hurdle for a child of color to grapple with in life? I think so. Sure there are people who are exceptions to the "traditional is better approach" to naming who do well in life with very unique names. However, the use of varied spellings of the name "Unique" as outlined in the Slate article seems to belie that. My personal favorite is a local baby a firefighter acquaintence came across during a service call whose name was spelled something like "Omyuneeque" pronounced "I'm unique." Uh, right. See you at the job fair.

Still, since people are so interested in our name options, I've probably derived a little too much fun from answering their questions with complicated, poly-syllabic names just to see the reaction. "Well, we're leaning towards Myshan'Tymeeka Traniece Jazmin-Raven or DeLoQuéShaunishia Möet Lexus." Every single time, a stunned silence and rapid eye blinks ensue as the person tries to comprehend this information or quickly find a polite way to say, "What the hell are you thinking?"

Then I laugh and say, "Kidding. No, we have settled on a short list of very traditional names that we cycle through each day, trying each one for fit. Nothing unpronouncable." An audible sigh of relief follows. One man added, "Well, that's really what I wanted to ask but I wasn't sure how. Some of these kids are walking around with names THEY can't even spell." Exactly.

But there's further name narrowing to be done after you decide on a general strategy and make it through the ethnic vs. crossover name mine field. When you start considering actual names, you have to take into account the personal baggage you and your spouse/partner may associate with particlar names. You throw out those that remind either of you of someone you dated or really disliked or which just rub either of you the wrong way.

"Beatrice?! That was the name of the mom of the girl who was mean to me in middle school." "Shayla?! Why not just put strobe lights in her room and send her to pole dancing lessons?" And on and on it goes. We definitely went through many, many names to get to the handful or so that we were both pretty okay with. But I think we will just have to get a look at her before we decide.

And if the kid REALLY hates it, she can always change it when she's older like these well known singers did: http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/realname.html. Enjoy!

Girls getaway to the Portland Pen show

In July, Isis the wonder dog, my mom, and I took off to Oregon for a whirlwind 36 hours at the Portland Pen Show. I love writing with fountain pens and wanted to look for one with an extra fine nib to add to my cache.

Most American stores that carry fountain pens only carry them in fine, medium and bold, but there are many more sizes and styles available, particularly in Europe and Japan, where fountain pens are still used by a greater percentage of the population.

Here’s Portland Pen Show organizer Carla Mortenson, who again did a fabulous job pulling this together. I missed the seafood buffet Friday night, but the Saturday post-show spread was just as tasty.

This is a small, regional show, but it’s also more intimate and not as potentially overwhelming as the big city shows. So I felt comfortable taking my mom without fear that she’d be bored or might be put off by the pen-focused conversations. I needn’t have worried. First of all, she can strike up a conversation with anyone. Second, pen show participants are about the nicest, most open folks around.

There were many familiar and new faces who welcomed us both warmly. Among them, Sherrell Tyree and her brother Joel Hamilton, seen here helping a fellow pen aficionado find just the right one.

They have a cool online shop called Inkpen Vintage Fountain Pen where they sell pens, books, and more, and also do repairs.

Upon hearing that mom is a lefty (considered by some to be poorly suited to fountain pen writing because some lefties drag their hand through freshly-written and instantly smeared lines), Joel proffered a pen perfectly suited for her and let her give it a whirl. Nicer?! And she could instantly feel how much better it glided across the page than a standard ballpoint or rollerball. She liked it, but she’s not ready to dive into the fountain pen niche just yet.

I also chatted with John Mottishaw again, pen repair and adjustment guru extraordinaire who I met at my first pen show.

He did my first fountain pen modification last year through his http://www.nibs.com/ site and I'm hooked. Here's John getting an up close view of a pen in need of adjustment.Using a fountain pen that's been modified to fit your hand and handwriting style is like the difference between buying clothes off the rack and getting them tailored to fit you.

The weather in Portland that weekend was near 90, which is not the best for a dark dog like Isis, as we found out when she overheated and lost her recently ingested lunch and water under my seat while we sat at an outdoor restaurant in the Pearl District. Oops.

I simply chalked it up as good practice for the inevitable baby stomach and diaper explosions to come and snagged a couple plastic baggies from the car, cleaned up the mess, washed my hands, and continued with our day. But we were glad to be able to take her to our dog-friendly hotel (The La Quinta Inn by the Convention Center) afterwards where she could chill out with some AC (literally) while we hit the show.
The next day, my mom walked the trails at the Grotto while I returned to the show to retrieve a pen that caught my eye the day before. It's a Sheaffer from the 1980s or so that has an ultra fine nib that's been modified to be both sharp and smooth: no small feat. It writes like a dream and has become my new favorite. See below for what my husband calls fountain pen porn shots. Pen aficionados: try not to drool on the keyboard. Everyone else: try not to nod off.

Awards, articles and generational differences

It's been a busy couple months, besides the whole growing a baby thing. I received the National Urban League's Western Region Member of the Year award for my volunteer work with the Seattle Urban League Young Professionals (SULYP).

Our chapter also received the Western Region Chapter of Excellence Award based on our leadership development, community impact, membership development, fund development and communications, and our President Felicia Kline received the Western Region Heineken USA Rising Star award for her policy paper on the importance and effectiveness of the Community Reinvestment Act. A local community paper the Seattle Medium had a story about it here.

The awards were given out at the National Urban League's conference in St. Louis in July, which I missed (too late in the pregnancy to fly). But here's a shot of me, SULPY's founding president, SULYP's current president, Urban League of Metropolitan Seattle President and CEO James Kelly, former SULYP Secretary, and Education Committee Chair at last year's conference in Atlanta, which was incredibly informative.

In late July, I learned I'd had an article published in Urban Influence Magazine (the National Urban League's magazine) about the digital divide in the Black community. I believe there was a 400 word limit, so it's no comprehensive piece, but I think it came out fine. Click image for larger version.
And finally, in August, I was one of the eight women featured in a Seattle Times article for their Gender F section that focuses on women's issues. You can read the full article here and the other related articles on the Seattle Times' Gender F website.

Talking across the gap

Generations chat about stereotypes, cluelessness and cleavage

In the article, writer Michelle Goodman talked with women from several different generations about how they relate to each other in the workplace. Michelle is a longtime freelance writer who has a great book and website (both called The Anti 9 to 5 Guide) about how to transition to part-time, flextime, at-home, outdoor, overseas, nonprofit, or self-employed work so you can build the life you want without spending all your time chained to a cubicle. Read more here: http://www.anti9to5guide.com/

It was fascinating to be part of the discussion and hear about how the work world has changed for many of the women who've been at it a while, as well as hearing from the younger ladies about how their approach to work is so different from earlier generations - even mine.

The most experienced woman in the group talked about the days of having to wear a full girdle, conservative skirt suit, hosiery and pumps every day when she started out, even though she worked in a construction-related industry.

In contrast, some of the younger women said they feel it's okay to express themselves through their attire, even in a sexy way, because "it's just clothes and just who we are." My comments on that are in the article.

Even though I'm glad I (and Hillary) helped get the word 'cleavage' in a headline in a major daily paper, frankly, I think the pendulum has swung too far to the "flaunt what ya' got" side where daytime/workplace clothing is concerned.

In their defense, one of the young women on the panel said, "But look at Sex in the City! They dress cute but sexy." Yeah, they're also on premium cable after 9 p.m., not sitting across a conference table in a position of authority or across a service counter in a workplace. I think some young women don't get that there's a time and a place for certain fashions.

Case in point, this month's Cosmo Magazine's Fashion section with the headline: The Heat Is On - These low-cut, barely buttoned clothes are racy enough to grab any guy's attention. So true: they are racy and attention-grabbing. And I might consider sporting the white micro cardigan, bra, shorts and six inch platforms the next time I'm poolside on the Riviera with my hubby. But not when I head to the office, where no one should be wearing clothing that requires waxing any body part between their knees and neck. This goes double for you guys.

Fellowship-filled Fourth of July

J. and I had the pleasure of hosting three of the six European Memorial Marshall Fellows for the Fourth of July along with Spring 2007 American Marshall Fellow Heather from Seattle.

Here we are after dinner... pregnancy

And all of us again with Heather's friend Nate in the picture on the left. We had a great time getting to know each other, talking about European institutions versus the American versions, and the unique experiences they had already had in their travels around the U.S.

Such as the church two of them visited in the south that was celebrating military veterans on the Sunday they attended services. In addition to the Marine-turned-pastor who gave the sermon, several Marines rappeled from the ceiling of the sanctuary during the services!

"This is very different from churches in Europe," one of the EMMF's said, still surprised by the event even in the retelling.

"Uh, that's very differnt from most churches here in the U.S.," I clarified.

They were all as smart and accomplished as the other fellows I've met to date, although they of course had the added skill of speaking multiple languages. They each spoke at least three to four, which reminded us Americans in the room how much of a disadvantage we're at on the international stage due to the typical American educational system's approach of not teaching foreign language until middle or high school.

Linguistic regrets notwithstanding, it was a wonderful evening and I hope they enjoyed a typical American fourth with a fairly typical American couple as much as we enjoyed them.

Doggie doings all weekend long

These days during my pregnancy, I find my energy levels veering from energizer bunny to desperately in need of a nap. Last weekend was an energized one, despite having managed to catch a cold.

I'm usually very diligent about handwashing, slathering on antibacterial gel and not touching doorknobs, handrails and other often-handled surfaces, so colds for me a very rare. Like once every year or 18 months. So having one in the summer while I'm pregnant was both surprising and annoying. Mainly because not only did it cut into my enjoyment of the incredible Seattle summer weather, but I also couldn't take my usual pharmacoeia to make the effects more managable.

A consultant nurse with my doctor's office said Tylenol was the only safe medicine for me at this point and suggested I take "hot liquids, spicy soups, and hot juices" to soothe my sore throat. Um, it's 80 degrees out, so the thought of hot juice would make me gag if my throat didn't already hurt. So I had to just tough it out cold turkey.

Plugged nose and sore throat notwithstanding, I at least had energy, so I decided to get out and enjoy the sun with the dog, use anti-bacterial like crazy, and steer clear of touching anything so as not to spread my cold germs around.

After picking up the pooch at my folks' house and a fun breakfast with an old co-worker in West Seattle, I headed to Seattle's North Beacon Hill area for a Meetup with other Pit Bull owners.
Here's Isis looking super attentive because she thinks I'm going to throw her ball any minute now. Note the dog that looks like her twin to the right. That dog's owner confirmed that there are many dogs with the same look around the area. Not sure who's breeding them, but they all have awesome temperaments, although his girl was a year or two younger than Isis and bigger. She also wasn't quite as dog-friendly as the others and was apparently prone to running giddily off into the woods for hours at a stretch, so her owner opted to keep her on leash even though we met in one of Seattle's many off-leash dog parks.

Here's me, the belly, and a still-attentive Isis. She did great, despite the 80+ degree heat. She'd romp with the other dogs a bit, chase the ball a bit, then lay in the shade a bit. Dark dogs and hot days are usually not the best combo, but there was plenty of water and shade and she was a great breed ambassador.

The next day, we hit the Fremont Sunday Market where I needed to pick up a ring to temporarily replace my wedding band which I've grown too big to fit. I have been wearing my engagement ring and band on a necklace. Now I can at least wear some semblance of a band.

With J. busy for the day, Isis played sidekick again and lounged in the shade of each stand I perused and willingly submitted to lots of petting by passersby who found her glossy coat and laid back demeanor irresistable.

The only activities that marred the sunny lovefest were two (!) separate West Highland Terriers who attacked Isis - once as she lay at my feet just inside a booth, and again as we walked up the sidewalk towards our car. One minute all's quiet and we're minding our own business, the next the Westies are lunging and snarling at the end of their leashes. Only one of the owners apologized. In both cases, Isis returned the growling and barking favor, which of course looks a lot more menacing coming from a 58 pound pitbull than a 2o pound Westie.

According to the Wikipedia, Westies are known as "big dogs in a little body" because of their "bold temperament." These could have become "hurt dogs in little bodies" if I wasn't so quick to take control of the situation and rein Isis back in, and if she had a more aggressive temperament.

In each case, I pulled her back into a sit then calmly walked her away from the situation while the Westie owners continued wrestling with the barking, snarling ball's of white fur at the end of their leashes.

Because of Isis's breed, she is held to a higher standard of behavior, as am I as her owner. Going after another dog the way the Westies did to her would be absolutely unacceptable and would likely result in police being called to the scene. Unfortunately, I've found that many small dogs are allowed by their owners to engage in behavior that would not be tolerated in a larger breed from the menacing barking and lunging to jumping up.

It's unfair to all dog owners and especially to those whose well-managed and well-behaved dogs that may be kept out of events or venues because of someone's past experience with one of the not-so-well-behaved ones. All I can do is make sure I'm doing everything I can to make sure Isis and I are ambassadors for her breed. So far, it seems to be working out, despite incidents like that.

PS - Isn't it ironic that we spent Saturday with several other pitbulls in a somewhat confined space with no problems but just a day later had two less than stellar episodes with so-called "family friendly companion dogs"? See: that's why I'm sticking with pitbulls. Those little dogs are like walking around with loaded guns. Hee hee! :-)