Maternity wear: you thought you felt bloated and unattractive before...

So now that I'm officially at the halfway mark in this pregnancy, my clothing needs have ramped up substantially, much like the size of my hind end.

What I've discovered is that department stores hang signs that say "Maternity" and "Women's World" in lieu of posting their real thoughts overhead: "Since you're fat or pregnant, you probably don't care how you look. Wear this."

These departments are always right next to each other, as if having an expanding uterus and being plus size are basically the same thing. Then, the selection in both departments mainly consists of dresses and tops that look like:

A. a confetti machine vomited onto stretch polyester

B. Jackson Pollack made some cash on the side before he died by taking his paint splatter technique and branching out into women's wear

C. there's a hot new Amish clothing designer on the scene. Motto: black and white are the new black.

As proof, I offer the following shots taken at a local mall recently.


Did someone order a clown car? No? How about a tunic to remind you of what a psychedelic acid trip might look like if acid were totally not on the list of verboten pregnancy drugs?
I mean honestly, can you depress me even more? And if you go to the chi-chi maternity boutiques, you find more tailored and trendy clothing, but it's also at highway robbery prices. Like "long sleeve cotton t-shirt - $58." WTH?! It's COTTON. It's a T-SHIRT. With a slightly longer hem to accomodate the bump. This stuff isn't hand loomed by virgins in an authentic monestary in the hills of France. It's mass produced in some sweatshop-ish manufacturing facility by underpaid, overworked people with few employment options and no health insurance. So they are certainly not getting their cut of the $58.

There are even maternity jeans by the same people who make the trendy super dark or skinny leg or distressed denim that all the A-list celebs are wearing. And just like those jeans, the price tag is $150+. For jeans. With a stretch panel. Again: it's COTTON. With some LYCRA. For criminey's sake, on a cost per wear basis, that's not even remotely logical.

As you turn away with yet another pair of black stretchy pants, the sales people try to upsell you and say, "Oh, you should totally get the jeans. It's all in the cut and how it's tailored. It totally lifts and accentuates your rear." Um, I'm a Black woman and I'm pregnant: if I get any more rear lifting and accentuating, I'll be able to reach over my right shoulder and get lip balm out of my back pocket.

So what should I happen upon today but relatively affordable maternity clothes in styles that are appropriately scaled up versions of the items on the regular racks. Where? The Gap, that paragon of clothing standardization. So it's not a massive selection or remotely chic and the paparazzi won't mistake you for some chickie from the O.C., but there was no wildly printed top in sight: a huge plus in my book. So I bought a simple summer frock and actually felt kinda pretty when I went to dinner with J. Can't tell you how much that means when the expanding waistline keeps you from crossing your legs and tying your own shoes may soon become a memory.

Also on the bright side, I've still had no morning sickness, my doc says I'm gaining weight at an appropriate pace, I feel great, and most importantly, I don't work in a garment factory. Things could always be worse, right?

Fellowship continued: Portugal's high art and lower classes, all in one day

So I've decided the toothpaste is out of the tube and all I can do continue to post periodic highlights of the tail end of my fellowship trip before the warm glow and memories fade. There's no way to fully capture the wealth of experiences, connections, laughs, surprises, frustrations, and insights I gained during the three weeks, so I'll just touch on the big stuff, to use a technical term.

So after leaving the awesome Gulbenkian museum, we headed to the suburbs of Lisbon to meet with some of the city's immigrant residents and several community activists working with them to provide services to youth. This was a major highlight of the trip because we actually had a chance to talk with immigrants to the area, instead of just talking about them, which is how a lot of bad public policy happens.

Over the course of 2-3 hours, we visited a class for children at risk of dropping out. It reminded me the Boys and Girls Clubs in the states because the program serves a dual purpose of providing a safe, welcoming place for kids to engage in constructive activities, have fun, and be with caring adults. In addition, this program worked specifically with children of immigrants who are struggling to learn Portugese, have sometimes-difficult family lives, and are either out of school for disciplinary reasons or at risk of dropping out. The kids above were doing a project that uses construction of model airplanes to learn about math and technology. They were like most 8-14 year olds: energetic, some shy, some self-assured, and all eager to connect with us. They practiced their English, asked us about the U.S. and where we were from, and a couple kids showed off their dancing skills demonstrating traditional African dances that they have melded with hip-hop-inspired music. Despite the challenges the kids face, they clearly felt at home in the program classroom and the room was just filled with typical youthful exuberance. The kind that lead adults in the program to quietly pull one or two rambunctious kids aside and firmly suggest that they cool it.
From there it was over to a settlement where we were instructed to leave our valuables in the van with our driver because it was going to be a lot rougher neighborhood. Once we arrived, we met a resident activist (third from right below) who moved to Portugal himself 17 years ago from one its former colonies in Africa (Cape Verde I think) and now helps more recent transplants navigate the system to get documents, work and other resources.

He showed us around the settlement, set into the hills outside Lisbon. It's basically a shanty town that is allowed to exist sort of outside the law. Every few months, the authorities come and bulldoze a few homes, and residents simply cobble them back together from scavenged cinderblocks, tin for the roofs, and other materials. I snuck the picture below as we crossed a roof in one of the areas. You can see how they've managed to cobble together a community.As illegal immigrants in many cases, they exist on the outskirts of the city and of the law, so when the bulldozers come, they leave, and return when it's safe to rebuild and begin anew. Talk about resiliancy.
Despite these challenges, activists like our host are trying to make life better for the younger generations who have been born in Portugal and know nothing of their parents homeland in the former colonies, beyond the language and customs maintained at home. Like many 2nd generation immigrants, they struggle between cultures trying to find their own identity which is inevitably different from their parents' but not quite that of the country where they were born, all of which creates family tensions between generations.This is the computer lab the activist helped build with other community members. When the young man in the middle heard we were from the states, he said, "Oh! Whassup! Thug life!" A reference to 2Pac Shakur. Great. Europe exports fine wine, luxury goods and centuries old languages and art. We export teachings from dead rappers. I was at least heartened to see that they were all busy using localized versions of Google and Windows programs to look up high end cars and other consumer goods that are completely out of current reach for them to create powerpoints and montages of their favorite things. It all shows the reach of computers, the internet and pop culture, even in the midst of poverty.
Our host was great and wonderfully candid about the situation there and what they face day to day. It provided much more insight into the complexities of immigration issues than some of the discussions throughout the trip with academics who were well-versed in the theory of immigration, but not so much the day-to-day reality.
The visit continued at another nearby location. More on that soon.

Sarkozy wins: what hath France wrought?

Ultra-conservative Nicolas Sarkozy has won the presidency in France and I must say that I'm worried. The BBC in this article summed up the mood in Paris this way: "There is a feeling in Paris tonight that France, as Mr Sarkozy said in his victory speech, has turned "a new page of our history." Unfortunately, I fear that the page came out a dog-earred playbook used by American neo-conservatives to set us on our current, acrimonious approach to world policy. Many of the people I met recently in Europe pointed to this policy as a prime example of why Americans have lost so much support in the world community.

Even American wire services are describing Sarkozy as "a blunt and uncompromising pro-American conservative" without giving a more nuanced explanation of his views and plans. It's as if the fact that he's pro-American is good, period. They don't explain that he is pro-neo-conservative America. (Shudder)

Which is also why the French presidential election outcome is so perplexing. There are already many pundits weighing in on why Sarkozy won, what parts of his platform resonated the most with voters and whether people truly support his plan for France or simply didn't find enough of a plan expressed by opponent Segolene Royal. Heavy sigh.

The only thing more distressing than the election outcome is that I had to turn to CBC news out of Canada at the far end of the cable dial to find any news about the election late tonight. Mon dieu: must we always be so inwardly focused? In honor of the general level of U.S. interest in world affairs, I'm off to to navel gaze before turning in - a feat that is becoming increasingly difficult as my girth grows. Five months down, four to go. Good night.

French follow U.S. lead in presidential election - unfortunately

So the first round of the French election is over and it was a bit of shock: conservative/right wing/ultra-nationalistic, France for the French candidate Nicolas Sarkozy did quite well. Sarkozy pro-fesses to be pro-American, but it's more pro-conservative/neo-con America.

One of the fellows I traveled with in Europe reminded us that as a group we overwhelmingly voted on our last day in Brussels that we thought moderate/centrist candiate Francois Bayrou would win. We probably hoped he would, but when the polls closed in the first round of voting, Sarkozy had a strong lead over Socialist Segolene Royal, with far-right, 78-year old candidate Jean-Marie Le Pen bringing up the rear.

Nicolas Sarkozy - 31.1 percent
Segolene Royal - 25.8 percent
Francois Bayrou - 18.5 percent
Jean-Marie Le Pen - 10.5 percent

The run-off vote is on May 6. This article in the International Herald Tribune has an eye-opening breakdown of how different demographics voted: Older voters chose Sarkozy, while young picked Royal.

We had lots of discussions on the trip about where Europe is headed. Most people spoke hopefully of a more inclusive Europe. This preliminary vote shows a different view. I hope it's not a harbinger of what's to come.

Art that angers and a cool museum that doesn’t

So on our third day in Portugal, after I retrieved my luggage and caught up with my group, we had several amazing opportunities: to visit the Galouste Gulbenkian Foundation and museum, to visit an alternative school program for at-risk immigrant youth, and to meet with people in two settlements of residents mainly from former Portuguese colonies in Africa.

First, the museum. It was amazing, but like most museums, prohibited pictures inside. Here's the short story. Calouste Sarkis Gulbenkian (1869 - 1955) was born in what is now Istanbul, the son of a wealthy family of Armenian merchants. He multiplied his family's fortune with early deal-making in the burgeoning oil and gas industry and later in life settled in Lisbon. He was an avid art collector and upon his death, gave some of his amassed collection to the Portuguese National Art Museum, and also provided for a foundation bearing his name, where his collection in its entirety could be reunited and preserved under the same roof. It later expanded to fund and include philanthropic, artistic, scientific and educational purposes. More info available online: http://www.gulbenkian.pt/english/headoffice.asp

So at one of the two museums I had a chance to visit in Europe, a guide said they believed that art is supposed to move you, even if it moves you to anger. That made me reflect on the role that art has for many Americans. It seems that many Americans don’t develop an appreciation for art in a variety of forms because most of us are taught that art is something that’s old and framed and hanging in a boring museum that you go see on a school field trip because you have to. It’s something to be endured, not something that’s part of daily life. Again, this is for many Americans, not those who are very involved in the art world or artistic endeavors or just art lovers.

Europeans seemed to be a lot more open to a wider variety of art forms than in the U.S. and to be fine with art-induced anger. The U.S. seems to be more concerned with displaying art exhibits that first and foremost don’t offend; probably because Americans (what with freedom of speech and all) are much more likely to publicly express their displeasure with an installation by going to the media, picketing, or starting calling campaigns with like-minded fellow offendees.

Taking all this to heart and in light of the “move you to anger” comment, I was looking forward to seeing different types of art in Europe and went into the Gulbenkian Foundation's museum prepared for anything and with no preconceived notions. Especially since the collection was amassed by a private individual. It absolutely blew me away, as much for its quality as for the diversity. Paintings, sculptures, textiles (rugs and weavings from the centuries ago), jewelry, intricate tilework, bowl, platters and other display pieces. For a multi-millionaire industrialist, this guy knew good stuff when he saw it.

One installation that really impressed and awed me included oversized, high-resolution photographs of natural disasters over the past century and their aftermath. It had pictures of things like raging wildfires, the aftermath of flooding (including Katrina), and erupting volcanoes, including Mt. St. Helens, which I remember. I was almost 10 and spending the weekend with family at my grandparents cabin in near Ocean Shores, WA. When my cousins and I woke up and looked outside, we thought, “Yay! It snowed.” Actually, it was a layer of ash covering all the cars, trees and nearby homes. We hit the road for home in the slow-moving trail of cars on the interstate inching along because of the reduced visibility from the ash that continued to drift down and the clouds of it kicked up by the vehicles on the road.

But back to the museum: the ancient handicrafts were also amazing. As with my entry on Versailles, I’m always amazed by the workmanship and details in handicrafts from earlier centuries when there was no CAD software (computer aided design) or other modern conveniences.

I apologize for the lack of pictures, but those were the rules. But suffice it to say, if you ever find yourself in Lisbon with a couple hours to spend, head to the Gulbenkian Foundation and Museum. The grounds themselves are also impressive, with a great public park and outdoor amphitheater and the facility often hosts speakers and musical performances.