Real big boy haircut

The battles to brush and comb Dylan's hair have been becoming more frequent. Also, his penchant for dropping fistfuls of sand into it while playing have left us waking up on top of gritty sheets some mornings after he climbs into our bed in the wee hours. So we decided to take it all off this morning.

Before... 

We had to tag-team to get the clippers even close to Dylan's bobblehead.

It took several passes with successively smaller clipper guards. 

 Needless to say, Dylan hated the buzz of the clippers and the click of the scissors and struggled off and on the whole time, in between the few quiet moments we finagled by putting Caillou, Dora and Diego videos on my Nook Color or letting him play toddler puzzle games on my Android phone.

But check out the after picture! Who is that big kid?!

And you can really see the resemblance with J. now.

Dylan on the left, age 21 months. J. on the right, 35+ years ago at Disneyland. Genes are a funny thing. 

Saturday salon day: 1st haircut

After three and a half years, it was finally time to get Ava's hair trimmed. We've been dealing with frequent snags even with conditioner, so we headed to the shop of our family hookup: my husband's cousin's wife, who is a hair stylist.

Even with her eight year old cousin helping and trying to entertain her, Ava was too busy crying and trying to climb out of the hair wash chair, so we didn't get any shots of that. But after the wash and blow dry, she sat very still as her curly tresses were flat ironed.

Followed by the trim.

Dylan wandered about trying to sweep up hair. Sweeping is one of his favorite activities and he was elated to find a tiny broom and dustpan set seemingly made just for him, oblivious to the transformation underway nearby. And voila...

Seriously straight, big girl hair. Ava looks kinda bummed in the pictures, especially compared to her reaction to the home blowout I did a few months ago. But by the evening, she'd come around. "Can you help me wrap up my pretty hair?" she asked. You betcha little one.With head bands and ponytails during the day and wrapping at night, it lasted several days this time, sans rat's nest effect.

Hair as a biological weapon

Given yesterday's post about all the hair goings on at our house, I was reminded of some hair hullabaloo earlier this year here in Seattle. Charles Mudede, a writer for The Stranger newspaper, wrote a column about a situation involving his bi-racial daughter, her hair products and a teacher's alleged physical sensitivity to the smell of it.

As I wrote about the debacle at the time in a Facebook comment:

Jay-zuss. So. Poorly. Handled. By the teacher and the parents. Why isn't anyone thinking about the child, her feelings, and her classmates and what they're learning from this? About how deal with difference? (They've learned to push it away. In a really distracting and obtrusive way.)
About how to handle an uncomfortable situation without making someone feel bad? (They've learned a child's feelings don't matter. Only the adult's/teacher's.)

Why didn't the teacher just say "I'm feeling a little warm/dizzy. Let's open a window and the door and create a cross-breeze." Then she could broach the subject - delicately and discretely - with the parents later.

All kinds of teachable moments being missed in all this.

At the time, reading about that girl left me totally worried about my little brown girl and her gorgeous hair and attendant hair products as we prepared to send her off to play school.

Halloween preview

Ava's went to a Halloween Carnival a week ago, which made things a lot less harried and sugar-fueled on the actual day. In honor of the recession and her limited long term memory for an event 1/3 of her life ago, we recycled her bumblebee costume from last year.

She asked excitedly, "Do I get to wear my bumblebee costume again?!"  Why yes! Yes, you can. And she had just as much fun buzzing around again. Look at that smile: don't fake wings and tulle scream fun pretty much any day of the year in almost any setting?

But check out that pumpkin. A little creepily over-excited, don't you think? Like it's ready to take a bite out of her head. Or maybe it's just amazed by her blow-dried, flat-ironed tresses, which she requested out of the blue that morning.

It's as if she said, "What is the attire for ye olde carnival? Festooned and bejeweled? Ah, well, simple ponytails would be gauche. Let us go forth with a more, shall we say,  substantive coif. Something more befitting a bee. A queen bee!"

Actually, she just said, "I want my hair straight! And down!" Regardless, that pumpkin is all, "Say whaaat?! Yeeeahhh gurl: that 'do is DONE!" Yeah, in my mind, the pumpkin is channeling every character Tracy Morgan ever played on SNL.

So after explaining the whole candy and doorbells and costume thing and seeing her accept it as plausible, I think I could make up just about any crazy "custom" and pass it off as real. Like, "Hey Ava, get some yogurt and string cheese. We have to go put these on people's windshields for the Dairy Fairy. She'll pick them up and leave a carton of Baby Yogurt under your pillow tonight!"

I mean really, is that any less plausible than the tooth fairy and trick or treat backstories? Clearly, I may not be the best one to impart these childhood fables, what with my lack of disbelief suspension and all.

Here is how we spent the actual Halloween: grocery shopping. I know: the paparazzi had a field day! (Ha!)

It was pretty cool to see that Dylan's finally big enough to sit in this kiddie cart without falling over or out, despite Ava's periodic efforts to steer both wheels at once. Check out his pose: it's like he's in NASCAR and gunning for the inside lane.
 
But note to store shelf stockers: if you're going to install racks at shoulder level that jut out into the aisle with toddler-sized bottles of spices, you're just asking for someone to have to utter the words "cleanup on aisle 12" over the PA system at some point during your shift. Just sayin'.

Hope you had a fun-filled day!

Tips on doing the 'do (hair do)

A friend is new foster mom to a toddler girl who is African American. She mentioned that she is struggling with doing her girl's hair and finding products that work well. She thought I might find her predicament comical, and I do, but only because I'm familiar with the challenge: African American hair care can be difficult, even for black folks! Have you read any of the hullaballoo about Chris Rock's hair documentary "Good Hair?" Who knew hair care could be a minefield. That aside, as any hair care expert will tell you, getting a good result is all about the products.

I get lots of compliments and questions about my daughter Ava's masses of super soft fine curls. It's gorgeous but takes some work, so for others who might be dealing with the same thing, like my friend, here's how we manage her mop.

The products are the key. Case in point, my husband called me at work one day a few months ago to say, "We may need to cut this girl's hair: I washed it but it's so tangled I can't get a comb through it, she's crying. It's just a hassle."
Me: "Did you put conditioner on it?"
Him: "Conditioner?"
Yeah, that stuff that makes it easy to comb. After pointing him to my plain old Pantene conditioner, he calls me back: "This stuff is the hit! The comb is sliding through like a hot knife through butter!" Dear Proctor and Gamble: feel free to use that in your next marketing campaign: Pantene: like a hot knife through butter!

So my routine with Ava is when I wash her hair (baby shampoo or whatever baby body and hair wash we have. Which one doesn't seem to matter much at this point), I follow with whatever conditioner I'm using (Pantene Nature Fusion Smooth Vitality now). I squeeze as much water out of the hair as possible before putting it on mainly the ends, not the scalp, because the scalp doesn't need it and it can sting if it drips in the eyes.

Chin up, head back - 33 months

Then I just part it in sections if needed and comb it through with one of those detangling combs w/the curved teeth, starting at the ends and working up to the scalp, rinse ("chin up, head back" is our mantra, because of the eye issue), then squeeze hair with the towel to dry, rather than rubbing, which will tangle it up again.

Dollop of Carol's Daughter Hair Milk

We finish up with a dollop of Carol's Daughter Hair Milk rubbed in my palms and smoothed/combed through her hair like the conditioner. Then comes the fun part: hairdos! Ava's partial to wearing hers loose with a headband, which is easy. However it does mean more work the next time you wash, because sitting in car seats, napping, etc. smooshes/tangles the curls again. But that's life.

Dylan has very similar hair texture, so he gets the same treatment, minus the conditioner and hair accessories.

Dylan - 8 months

Slick kid

After a dollop of Hair Milk, we comb through his hair to remove any tangles, then brush his hair slick and he's ready to go.

With Ava, sometimes I wash her hair and simply put it in a big ponytail high on her head (for sleeping ease), and wrap it. Then the next day, I just finger-comb the curls loose in the ponytail or untie her hair and comb through with my fingers. Throw on a headband or clips at the front and she's good to go.

When we do her bath at night rather than in the morning, we wrap her hair tightly with a silky scarf so it'll stay smooth overnight and just unwrap and go in the morning.

My mom usually does tight, braided ponytails on Ava. I'm less keen on all the braiding and usually go for the fastest finish: spiral twists of each section which just takes twirling each segment around my finger all the way to the end. Oodles of options.

And Ava gets involved organizing and fiddling with all the hair accessories (I looked up and saw about 23 elastics on her ankle once), which can keep her occupied while I work. We try to wash it every 3-4 days, depending on what she's been doing and how messed up it's gotten.

Luckily, Ava came out with hair, so everyday since birth has entailed at least brushing and fiddling with her hair, so she's accustomed to sitting still for the process.

Ava - 7 months

Plus, she's become quite the girly girl, so she now asks if I can "make her hair pretty" each day. But sometimes she'll play with some toy or watch a kids show on YouTube on my phone while I comb, part and cajole her hair into place as shown here.

It sounds more complicated than it is. Usually it takes between 5 and 15 minutes to do after her bath. Why bother? Partly, it's because I remember being a little girl out and about with my mom and aunt and seeing some other girl with wild, unkempt hair. "Look at that," my aunt said derisively, tsk-ing and shaking her head. "Now why would that child's momma send her outside like that, looking like, 'Who done it and why'?. She ought to know better. If you're not going to take care of a child, why even have one?"

Ava with wild bed head - about 13 months

More than 30 years later, I still remember that. Ava's too young for that backstory, but when she asks why we need to do her hair, I tell her, "Because I love you and care about you and how you are presented to the world and I want you, and anyone who sees you, to know that you are loved and cared for, from head to toe."

I hope I'm not giving her a complex, but it's true!And as my husband explained, "By showing that we value our kids, we are teaching them what that looks and feels like so that they will recognize when others are not doing that, and hopefully they will walk away." Smart guy, even if girly hairdos are not his forte.